The Illusive Sight of Thy Shore....
(Reflections a few much listened Bhajans)

Tomar Do-paad podde, Mojiye Thaki
Hari-he aamar aai basona....

My only wish, Hari, is to have my mind to be immerged
Evermore in meditation of your two feet...

Like a dragging anchor trailing a ship, adrift mid-sea, trying to desperately reach-out to any rock outcrop to wedge itself to, I increasingly find the mind wandering mindlessly from ideas to ideas, aimlessly, restlessly and perchance hopelessly.. In such trying times my Hari, why do you still insist on your elaborate game of hide-n-seek. Why do you hide from me and where do I look for you?

Aankh Micholi Hume na bhaye...
Jag Maya ke Jaal bichaye..

I gladly leave all the Gyan and Yoga to the Great Ones, these talks never do me any good and confuse me to no end. No longer have I use of any discussions on name-form, nor any debates on your duality or non-duality and I care no more to understand the intricacies of the insrutable Maya. But tell me this why do you deny me even the refuge of your bhakti? Why can't I just lose myself nectar of your name?

The shores of your grace, (where I thought I was headed at the start of my voyage) why are they so covered in mist? I dread to imagine thus, but could this mist be the makings of my own ignorant ego? And in this blinding mist I steer my ship knowing not wherefore. Often a times a dark shape looms ahead and I heart skips a beat and I tell myself - "Quiet down, my heart, maybe we are there, maybe we are home..", but every time on a closer look, the port looks alien and I turn my battered ship around disheartened...For in this ocean of ever swelling waves, I still have not found those shores that I yearn for...and in case you haven't noticed, O dark one, the sky looks rather threatening.

I grandiosely call my voyage, The Hunt for Paradise, then so often why does my resolve waver and why does my radar deceive my so?

Ghurie De Ma, Moner goti
Jiboner Aai O belai
Chokrakar-e Morchi Ghure
Anitya Shukeri Aashay...

O Mother, render back unto me,
The Lost rhythm of my mind...,
I wander about still looking for Transient Pleasures,
So shamefully unbecoming in my age...

The armies of Tamas plague me on all sides, even as the Kaurav had surrounded Abhimnayu, and much as I struggle I feel the fight leaving me. Show me a way out mother, for my ship flounders.. I can't battle these giant wave alone any more. I need you by my side now, more than ever..

Chaler Bholo Chaitis Jodi
Hoto Temon Moti-Gati
Hath Dhore Thik Niye Jati
Charia Dia Sokol Bhada

If You really cared for Your son
You actions would have reflected your intentions
I know You would have held me by hand
You would have extricated me from all these bindings..

Ek bar boithe ne go Tri-noyani
Ami aar baite pari-ne

My Mother, My Hari, My Shankar my struggles have left me fatigued and tired and I can no longer navigate...

Come now. Take me home. Please.....

Sri Krishna Saranam Mamah!