The Hunt for Paradise

Miracles

"Adopted!" I fought hard against this word, willing it to stay in the inner recesses of my mind - not to come out. In vain. It bubbled up like a repressed emotion into my consciousness and leaked out as tears, as I gazed at my daughter looking at me with bloodshot eyes, seething in anger.
"Don't expect to tell me what's good Papa. You have lost it." Summary of a long planned father-daughter conversation.

I didn't recognize the young woman in front of me any more. True the face was the face I loved more than any in the world. One that to me represented love itself. My daughter, my angel, my pride. I knew every expression that face had ever had - of happiness, of dejection, of elation, of concentration, of fatigue and of victory. Of the carefreeness of sleeping with head on father's lap. My daughter, my angel, my pride.

My wife chided me of pampering her to the extent of spoiling her. But I knew that she knew that my little angel was my reason to live, as she was my wife's. It was the will of the Almighty which brought her into our lives on a rainy night, alone and abandoned. A night to be thankful for the miracle that it had brought to our lives but to be never dwelled upon. The only time the episode was mentioned was shortly after our angel's 18th birthday, when my wife declared the our daughter had the right to now.

For a week she cried and didn't come out of her room, until late one night she came and held her Dad's hand and pleaded - "Papa, please tell me it isn't so".

"Ma, you are my angel daughter and Lord has willed it. Does anything else matter. Your mom and I live only for you. Don't you see that?"

Over a period of time she did. Only person that knew outside the family was her best friend Anirudh. Anirudh, we felt helped her come to terms with the truth. Gave her the strength. A few time we spied him hold her hand and pretended we didn't see. Secretly we hoped they would marry someday.

My angel made it to AIIMS with her natural elan. Father's daughter I declared to all that would hear. Though as my wife pointed out, as a Chemistry professor at a Govt college I was nothing like a doctor, but who cared, the pride I felt as a father eclipsed anything that I could have achieved myself. Anirudh went to NIT Thrichy for a BE in Electronics. We could see that distance took a toll on the friendship and mention of Anirudh in her daily conversations with her mom reduced until it disappeared altogether. Anirudh who made it a point to visit home in his breaks for college even when our angel was away at the start of the course, slowly stopped coming.

Providence however had something else in mind and Anirudh got a job in Delhi or perhaps took it knowingly. Destiny brought them professionally together as Anirudh's company partnered with AIIMS on the use of nanotechnology in medical science, a field so advanced that its promise bordered science fiction.

My long domestic partnership however had started to fade. My wife was diagnosed with a malady of bone marrow that was was eating her away from inside. I knew that God had given me forty years with the sweetest woman and it was his will that my wife should go back to Him. My years of practice of spirituality did nothing to console me though. My daughter had ensured the best doctors in the field saw her mom. The answer was always the same - this was terminal.

She could perhaps live for a few months longer if her bone marrow was replaced immediately.

That night was the first time daughter and father had a row.

I insisted, with all insistence that I could muster in my sadness, that we did the replacement next morning. My wife and I shared blood groups so I could easily donate mine. Instead of agreeing and saying that she also would donate, (she also by a quirk of fate had the same group B+ as me and my wife), she just said "No".

"No!! NO?! What on earth are you saying." I raged.

"I mean Anirudh and I can cure her with the work we are doing Papa. Trust me"

"Angel, she is not your experiment. She is your mom, she is your mom..."

"And that is precisely why I want to save her Papa"

"Have you done it before"

"No, but trust me"

"What?! You wish to deny me the last few months together for you stupid experiment. Can you be any more thoughtless my angel? When you are at it, why don't you do some of your brainy experiments on Dad too. Maybe they will give you an award." I said bitterly, in a tone that I had never dreamt I would ever use with my daughter.

That's when the thought that had never surfaced before assailed me. Would she
be so ready to experiment if she was our own? Immediately I hated myself but the thought lurked as I got the biggest shouting from my daughter.

Finally it was my wife who settled this by siding with her daughter. By then words had failed me and I stormed out.

One week later, Miracle visited us again. I was waiting with the rest of my family for 5 hours outside the OT when suddenly my daughter ran out and put her arms around my neck and said - "Papa, the procedure was successful, the bots are doing their job. Mom's going to be fine".

So it came to pass that one year later as me and my wife were settling down for dinner that our landline rang - we knew only she called on landline. As my wife put on the speaker in the phone our angel screamed - "Papa, Ma. Nur research has been blessed by Ministry of Health. We can offer it to everyone that needs it. Next month we are presenting our findings at Geneva." After a pause she added, "I think I should marry Anirudh, he helped me save my Mom. Love you, will call later." And the line went dead.

For a moment we didn't know what to do, numbly my wife and I looked at each other. Slowly we hugged and we cried. We laughed like children and We prayed. God had truly sent us a little miracle that rainy night.

I picked up one of the numerous picture frames of her that we had all over the house and kissed her forehead. My daugher, my angel, my pride.

The World, Hope and the Festival of Lights

The old Adam and Eve story may actually have been a true one after all.

Consider this:

Why are humans so obsessed with unhappiness?
Because they think they are smart.

Explain.
Other animals are not so hard to please. A fawn that just escaped the clutches of a Lion can soon be seen horsing around. And the lion who missed can be seen chasing an wildebeest.


What has Deers, Lions, Horses and Wildebeests have to do with Human happiness?
Nothing. They are introduced to show the contrast. These seemingly dumber creations certainly appear to lead an happier existence.

So the dumber you are they happier you are?
Maybe. However this is only illusory intelligence. On attaining Real Intelligence - Brahma Gyan or Divine Grace or whatever, the state of happiness returns.

So Adams and Eves fall from paradise could be likened to becoming more intelligent but at the same time loosing happiness as a constant state of mind. One mark of godliness is Bliss or Ananda. So through the act of becoming more intelligent they also were turned turned away from the gates of paradise. They can only return when they gain true grace of god.

Why celebrate Diwali?
Because Diwali is not just a festival of lights - it also a festival of Hope. The lights represent not just the joy of Lord Ram's returning to Ayodhya but also of light of knowledge dispelling darkness of ignorance. And therein lies the only hope for mankind so we celebrate this.

Happy Diwali All.

Mourning Jackson


The sadness I feel in my heart is palpable, a living wound, a pain that is not just emotional but physical. Since Friday morning when I overheard that Michael Jackson was dead, I have been shell shocked. At this age I didn't know that the passing of an celebrity could affect me so much. But then Michael Jackson, whose musical talent and showmanship I truly idolized was not your garden variety of celebrity. He was the greatest celebrity the world has known or is likely to know. He was not just the King of the Pops - he was the Emperor. What hurts me so profoundly at a personal level - is how badly we, mankind as a whole, treated him, misunderstood him, and mocked him. Genius have their own idiosyncrasies and Lord knows that MJ had his. But in my heart I could never reconcile the dreadful things that were written about him. True or not, they finally took their toll.

This loss is personal and I mourn his passing. :(

The outpouring of grief all over the world is so overwhelming. I wonder if he was so precious that his passing away has cast such a pall of gloom, why did the world not take better care of him. What is the point in having functions to celebrate him after his death when we allowed him to self-destruct, inflicted damaging blows to his psyche and hounded him till he became a recluse? No we didn't give up even then. Why? Questions whose answers perhaps show a face of humanity that humanity itself is not ready to see.

All I know is that my own thoughts in the past few days have dwelled upon this legend as never before. Memories of his pictures seen in childhood, songs hummed and dances imitated flood the mind whenever it is idle. Perhaps I am grieving the fact that his passing is untimely and so unfair. He had so much more to achieve and to give.

In my mind the what-ifs clamour for attention, - what if after the Pepsi incident he found relief in faith and not pain-killers, what if he really found someone who he could love truly and someone who could love him back in return, what if his abused childhood was overshadowed by a happy family life, what if he had at least some advisers and managers who were not bloodsuckers... this list could go on but can never bring back the biggest phenomenon that we were privileged to share the same timeline with.

I really do wish blessings of Lord Krishna on his soul.

Lessons from Vijayanagar Empire

Indians would do well to leaf through the pages of history and see the state that our past disunity has always left us in. Starting from the early invasion of the Greeks, Huns, Turks, Afgans and finally the British, Indians have failed India repeatedly because of narrow differences that turned to lethal chinks in our armour. Today again we seem to be drawn toward a vortex of a whirlpool of strife by the narrowness of the politicians, their petty politics and votebanks. SP, NCP and Congress are not together to further any common cause, their arrangements reek of pure opportunism. The same way BJD's ditching of NDA is not because Naveen suddenly understood the glory of secularism, he is just keeping his options open and perhaps this may turn out to be his biggest miscalculation yet, as the a father-son due discovered not so long ago, much to their chagrin. The voters don't trust deserters. BJD has sadly failed to learn from history. Alas.

Our politicians, perhaps the last people of the face of this planet who could be expected to have too many intellectual pursuits, would do well to learn to from the fate of the glorious Vijaynagara kingdom. Under the able leadership of Krishnadevaraya, this Empire prospered like no other in contemporary history. At a time Babur was laying waste much of the northern part of our great land, here was a ruler that had the might to strike Babur's Mughal tail all the way back to the desert hell-hole that he had come out of. Unfortunately such a confrontation never happened, and Krishnadevaraya died before he could find an able successor; his equally able son having died of some disease before he could be crowned. Krishnadevaraya, left behind a prosperous Kingdom, a valiant army sadly in the hands of inapt successors. Surrounded by petty Nawabs and Sultans, Vijaynagara soon fell under their collective onslaught. Folklore has it that army of vermin sacked one of the most spectacular city that Medieval India had seen for months on end, till all that was left were the ruins of Hampi. If you have not visited Hampi, please do. Few pages of Indian history, few stories of empires lost would move you so much. We Indians have a lot of learning to do from fate of Vijaynagara.

It frightens me to think, that India seems suddenly poised it a similar brink. Surrounded by enemies, the forces that have come to the fore as contender of power are either a party that has ceased to be driven by the lofty goals that helped it play a significant part in India's Independence and have descended to appeasement as a state policy; or a hotch-potch of opportunists of all hues across the land called the Third (class) Front. The one collection that with its many failings still speaks of a strong India and united India suddenly seem isolated. And that's exactly what frightens me the most. Have we all been suddenly condemned to a collective blindness? Let's pray not.

India is a land of miracles, and when people wish, Miracles happen. One just hopes that they see the danger that the country is passing through and get the right people back to power.

Vande Mataram

Labels: India

Lord Hanuman: The Invincible


The Ramayana is an epic with a timeless appeal. A story of forces of good prevailing over evil intentions borne out of pride and ego in face of seemingly insurmountable odds finds a ready echo in our hearts today as much as it did to its first listeners so many centuries ago. Ramayana is not a story for the Hindus alone but a treasure trove that our fore-fathers have left for all humanity. Ramayana, like all Indian epics and legends have so many layers to it, so much to explore and learn in each reading.

The main protagonist Lord Rama, is a mortal who makes no claims to divinity. Indeed the unique aspect of Rama is his humanity complete with his fair share triumphs as well as moments of trails and despair the life deals to him. In fact the one thing that perhaps sets him apart is his sense of propriety and proportions, not something his is born with but cultivates aided perhaps by his understanding of the Yoga Vashista. He represents what each King, Husband, Son, Student and Warrior could aspire to be within the bounds of being a human. He is Maryada Purshtam, he is Lord Rama of our hearts.

There epic features some many other engaging characters; be it the brave and devoted brothers Lakhmana and Bharata, the allies Sugriva and Vivishna, the adviser Jambhuman, the architects Nala and Neel and countless other all play selfless and significant parts in aiding Rama fulfill destiny that he was born to bring to fruition. But still I can’t help but think that they are as planets around a blazing sun. Without Rama, they have no anchor, no central force to keep them in their orbit, as indeed is the case with us, except that we often forget that bond.

Not so, however, for the other towering protagonist of the story – Shri Hanuman. Though the foremost devotee of Lord Rama; he is a hero in his own right; brave, wise and perhaps even an equal of Lord Rama when it to comes to the art of warfare. Indeed were it not for Hanuman, would Rama have become the Rama of our hearts? While the creation (in Indian way of thinking at least) owes its very existence to Lord Rama, Lord Hanuman has the unique privilege of some one who could get Rama out of a bunch of sticky situations.

Here are few instances – had Hanuman not found Ma Sita in the clutches of Ravana, would Rama even know where to start looking? Had he not borne the mountain of herb for a wounded Lakhsman and thus saved his life, would Rama, for all his might, not have given way grief and forfeit the war? And wasn’t it Hanuman, who had the power to venture to the Netherworld and rescue Rama and Lakhman for the clutches of Mahiravan? In all his endeavours he emerges invincible. One has to be unique and blessed indeed to be able to help the Lord, even in His human form.

And in return of all this, what did he want – nothing, zilch, zero. For him serving the Lord, without for once boasting of own exploits, great as they were, truly defined the enigma that is Lord Hanuman. His humility comes from his wisdom. Remember his is not just a big rampaging monkey waving his wand around, but also an exponent of the Vedas, a selfless helper of the weak and wronged as well as a yogi in the truest sense of the term. Truly it is said, prayers directed at the Shri Hanuman brings one closer to Shri Rama, and removes accumulated pains (arising from ignorance) of previous births.

Tumhare bhajan Ram ko pave, Janam Janam ke dukh bishrave.

Beginning to understand Hanuman, needs one to look beyond the epic story and into the symbolism and philosophy that Ramayan hides within itself.

And believe me the journey is nothing short of being wondrous and if nothing else, gives you a whiff a the eternal bliss or Ananda that the scriptures talk about.


Try karke Dekh Lo :)

Jai Shri Rama. Jai Pavan Putra Hanuman.

Awarded!!!


Rakesh Vanamali has
awarded me the PROXIMITY award for which I am honoured. The custom is to roll this award to eight fellow bloggers who have inspired you. This I shall do in my next post. Meantime there is truly a spring in my steps :)

Thanks a lot Rakesh, I am really touched.

Labels: Hanuman

World War or Evolution: What will it be?

Watching NEWS these days is a scary proposition. Religious and political strife, economic meltdown, environmental decay and stories of human sufferings assail the sense in vivid details every single day. The air is seriously a despondent one and these days and suddenly every one is scared. Almost every social gathering I have been to in the past month the discussions have inevitably turned towards the prevailing winds, of the uncertainty of the times that we live in, of the fact that in face of all that we have learnt as a species in the past five or six thousand years, in face of all our dogmas and inventions, our technology and science, we are like the all shivering like a pile of un-bound hay waiting for some unseen storm..

Capitalism, much as Communism a couple decade or so before it, lies in shambles. The pillars have crumbled and the foundation is cracked. Money, the force that fueled the world engine, seems to have run out. A friend predicted this as the onset of World War III yesterday. His prophecy has merit, the world today runs on money, there's not enough of it to go around right now and so survival instincts would naturally make you fight for it. If this is true for individuals, it is true for nations as well. Throw into this bubbling fat the spark of religious fundamentalism, distrust between nations that seems to be building up steadily over the past, insatiable greed and you shall have in your hand the blazing fire of a world that is at war with itself, a self defeating war from which no one emerges the victor to claim the spoils.

“It would be hubris to think humans as they now are God's chosen race” –Lovelock says in his book Revenge of Gaia [1]. Still the scenario that he considered in his book is just related to the environmental catastrophe that global warming could unleash. The holistic situation is even grimmer. And before you get all smug and say that such doomsday predictions almost never come true, consider that almost 99% of all species that ever inhabited earth are now extinct [2]. Among those that no longer roam the earth are bigger and meaner critters than we can ever be. And yea, humans have gone through such periods of danger. Babylonian and Roman incursions into Judea and Israel, Genghis Khan, Black Death, Arab and Turkic invasion of India, the past two world wars have all spelt not just end of life but a way of life for many. However at no time in past the skies of the entire world as overcast as it suddenly seems to be now.

In face of such overwhelming facts, I could only offer a few stammering words like God and Spirituality, but perhaps with much lesser conviction than I would have liked to have mustered. The image of the burning earth that the mention of world war conjured up in my mind, with the accompanying feeling of dread effectively put lid on anything I wanted to say. Submerged, as we get in the struggled of everyday existence, perhaps after a long time I saw suddenly how dangerously close to the precipice of extinction we had wandered to, still unseeing, still irresponsible and unrepentant…

One question burnt in my mind, is this how we are going to go? Is this the end of human species? Or are we going to evolve into something better?

Perhaps for all humanity the time has come to look within. Perhaps there is yet an answer, a way out …


1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Revenge_of_Gaia
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extinction_event

Changing Equations

"Are you sure you want to have that coffee? You will complain of acidity?"
"Why don't you have a swig of water instead?"
"Perhaps I should have gotten your sweater. You never know what is good for you."
"Don't wander about."

No matter how old you get, the experience of travelling with your mom never changes. Some equations never change. Thankfully. Though you may sometime make sham assertions of your grownup-hood, there is an unconditionally and concreteness about Moms that is perhaps unique. Which, much to their chagrin, girlfriends and wives never understand until they attain their own motherhood.

However, if the recent headline-grabbing N-Deal is anything to go by, the equations of International relations do change and how. One can see a new polarization of the world forces, with India, US, and presumably Israel and NATO on one side. The "other side" perhaps would be a China led front comprising of Pakistan, Iran, N.Korea and others that the west brands as "rogue" states. Russia is perhaps the dark horse in this unfolding saga. The recent incursions in Georgia has raised the hackles of the West, but push comes to shove, one hopes that its long standing friendship with India and more importantly its instinct of self preservation against a common enemy will see it side with the right side.

Coming back to the more important story, last week Mom and I were headed towards Chennai to see Mahabalipuram. It has been a long standing promise and finally I was able to take the time to keep it and I was so glad that I did. Of course providence helped in ensuring that it coincided with a business trip :) Mahabalipuram is about a couple of hours away from Chennai and is feast for the eyes. The five rathas, the temples carved out of stones, the sculpture on rock faces and the sea shore temple are sheer poetry and speak volumes of the artistic temperament of the Pallavas.


While Mom and I were getting enchanted by the magic of Mahabalipuram, China was surreptitiously planning to play the spoilsport. Had they succeeded it would have perhaps been a perfect replay of the "Hindi-Chini Bhai Bhai" story. However this time they had perhaps not anticipated the strong support from Bush administration. One phone call and the Chinese resistance crumbled and along with that crumbled the illusion that they really wanted to be friends after all. One hope India's stand on Tibet now becomes more pragmatic. Tibetans are our people and His Holiness as much an inspiration for Indians as the Tibetans.

Mom and I visited the croc park in Chennai's outskirts. It is difficult to describe the feeling of fascination laced with revulsion that proximity to these creatures bring. While one appreciates the conservation efforts but still one hopes that one never has to see one of these reptiles outside its enclosure. Mom was fascinated to see a turtle which rode on the back of a gharial with superb elan and grace.


The NSG waviver has been a major diplomatic win for India and the US. The hurdles at some point did seem insurmountable, however some deft maneuvering by both the Governments saw that that the Kung-fu opposition bit dust. My own work, thankfully, was equally successful and I came back with fond memories. The only fly in the ointment was an uncouth auto-driver, who thought shouting in Tamil would scare "outsiders". However, I hope that an encounter with a Bengal Tiger has left him wiser.

India and US, I feel are natural allies. I hope this equation does stands the test of time. For me what is more important is that I could finally keep a promise that I made a long time ago.

Labels: Mom, Politics