Unfake Life

The biggest disservice that you can do to yourself is being a fake.

About 5000 years back there was a King in ancient India by the name of Paundraka who has convinced himself and some of his followers that he and not Vasudeva Krishna, was the real manifestation of the Supreme. Encouraged by foolish followers, he not only styled himself after Krishna, but apparently sent a messenger  with seriously insulting messages for Lord Krishna. When Krishna came after him instead of taking shelter in the Lord's infinite Mercy, the dullard attacked Him.  Of course, he lost his head in the bargain.  Being a fake didn't turn out a good thing for him after all.





An Unfake Life is the biggest gift you can give yourself for such a life is devoid of any foundational falsehoods. Indeed such a life and outlook becomes the very basis of any progress, material or spiritual that you may want to make in life.

The three principles for an UNFAKE LIFE  are the following:

1. Be Genuine. Acceptance of ones own-self, weakness, warts and all is the first step towards improvement, towards progress.  
2. Unfake. If you catch yourself faking, just stop. Faking doesn't fool anyone else, it fools only yourself and that is never a good thing.
3. Strive. If you want to attain something, liberation, a position, a skill, respect or trust, you have to strive to be really worthy of it and work at achieving it. This can happen only if you have applied the first two principles. Only if you accept your station today, would you be able to chart the path to where you want to go to and make the journey.

Accept that you are mostly likely your biggest challenge. The second are people who love you, because in their affection, they see you as something bigger.  The third of course are people who have some axe to grind and fuel the illusion that you create around yourself.

Of course in your path to an UNFAKE LIFE,sometimes you will be misunderstood, questioned, made fun of. And while sometimes it may hurt you but if you keep true to the three principles provided above, you will emerge stronger.

Jai Shri Krishna.

See Also:
Krishna and the false Vasudeva:  http://krsnabook.com/ch66.html 

Om Sarashwatyai Namah -- Celebration of Ma Saraswati - The Giver of Knowlege

Knowledge or Wisdom, when the ancient seers of India envisioned her, appeared as a gushing, flow of live giving water, sometimes gurgling along as a gentle stream, sometimes thunderously rushing past breaking all barriers and obstacles. Forever mobile and changing. No doubt therefore Goddess of Knowledge was named after the most important river in the history of Indian history - The Saraswati, the cradle of Indian Civilization. 

Ma Sarasawati is the Goddess of Knowledge and Arts. Today is Saraswati Puja, the celebration and the special day of worship of the Ma Saraswati.

My association with Ma Saraswati has been from childhood through the Saraswati Puja which is a significant festival for the Bengalis like the rest of India. As kids my brother and I would run to Mom with our books, so that she could place them in front of the Divine Mother for some special grace to help with our studies.  Subjects that were specially hard to me such as trigonometry  or civics found special position in the Puja, because I was convinced that I could get through them only through the Mother's grace and blessings.  There also used to be the locality pujas which were organized mainly by older children under the watchful eyes of the grown ups. 

In our young Minds, Ma Saraswati, was this benevolent deity whose propitiation was necessary to do good in studies and pass exams. So with all the respect we could muster and with eyes firmly shut in apparent bhakti, all of us kids would try to outshout each other as we chanted her mantras, for who knows what amazing blessings were in store if you could just manage to get ourselves heard.  The most common mantra we chanted was this one:

सरस्वति महाभागे विद्ये कमललोचने ।
विद्यारूपे विशालाक्षि विद्यां देहि नमोस्तुते ॥

Meaning:
1: O Devi Saraswati, the most Auspicious Goddess of Knowledge with Lotus-like Eyes,
2: An Embodiment of Knowledge with Large Eyes, Kindly Bless me with Knowledge. I Salute you.

(Taken from this page)

Of course in reality, what Ma Saraswati represents is a knowledge that is far deeper. It the knowledge of the Self, a concept that forms the core of Indian philosophy.  The meaning of world, universe, multi-verse, life itself or whatever else that is perceived or is beyond is not be sough without, but within, either in terms of the relation between the Self and the Super-self or as an identification of the Self with the Super-self, depending upon the school of philosophy that you choose to follow. Ma Saraswati is therefore the giver of divine knowledge or I would argue the only knowledge for which the soul takes the human birth. She therefore is the patron of all Gyan yogis everywhere. For isn't it Knowledge, especially Brahma Gyan, in which resides our Salvation, our enlightenment and redemption?  I dare say, it does.  The name Sarawati itself pays homage to the Ma Saraswati's role in imparting knowledge of Self to her children.  In my own personal journey today Ma Saraswati is my refuge, my inspiration, my guide.

I am amazed at the genius of our ancient thinkers and rishis who could take such a subtle concept, and impart it a persona which could bring it within the grasp of the laity like us.

Today, as my son sang the hymn - Sri Vani  Kalyani during a special prayer of Ma Sarawati, I was also reminded that my Father, the great classical singer that he was, prayed to Ma as a Goddess of the arts as well. Swami Vivekanda invoked her before his famous speech in parliament of religions. Ma Saraswati has inspired numerous  creation of arts, as music, sculpture, paintings, verses and prose. One of my favourites is a piece created by the Japanese composer Kitaro..  I leave you with the melodious strains of the superb creation that must have been graced by Ma Saraswati's blessings to have come out so nicely.

Om Sarashwatyai Namah

See Also:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saraswati

http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/p/saraswati.htm

Yearning, thy name is Radha

The historicity of Lord Krishna is a subject of active mainstream scholarship. That an amazing, unparalleled, magical being once walked on this earth a little over 5000 years ago, that there was in our midst an divine person who changed and directed the course of history and philosophy in his time and has inspired humanity as no one ever has since his advent  is no longer a question or matter that is doubt. The current human endeavour seems to be directed towards understanding and knowing this Supreme Hari better and finding his presence through scientific as well as spiritual means. Please see the reference section for a few excellent links on this topic.

However a question is that is sometimes asked is who is Radha, Krishna's eternal consort. Who is this devotee numero uno, only by whose graces may the Lord be attained. While the purans seem to attest Lady Satyabhama and Lady Rulmini as the principal wives of Lord Krishna, beyond his divine pasttime in the enchanted Vrindavan, why is it that Sri Radha, who the Lord is always pictured with in modern iconography, never mentioned?

Sri Radha, I believe is more than just one historical person who existed. She has become the personification of the yearning for the Lord that resides in heart and consciousness  of the devotee. As a historical person one may yet discover her in the magical forests of Vrindaban and one hopes that such a day dawns soon. But there is no doubt that a true devotee can feel her blessed presence in their hearts lighting up the path of para bhakti. She appears as guide, as a friend, as a mother who takes her children by their hands and guides them to their eternal destination - The Lotus feet of Lord Krishna, She is that cocoon of light and warmth that envelops the devotee in a motherly embrace when he looses his consciousness and identity into the infinite-ness of Hari naam, of Krishna naam.

But, most importantly and most often, she appears as a boundless yearning for Krishna, that sometimes breaches the embankments of the eye lids and flow out as streams of tears.

Recently an animated movie depicted the Radha bhava or Radha conciousness in a beautiful way. It showed the Lord as a child enchanting the whole of Vrindaban in his divine flute play, but when the music stopped it was only Radha who kept swaying as if to the tune of some unheard music. The Krishna music that she was dancing to came not from without, but from within which manifests as an unceasing stream of melody.  That truly is Radha's love and Radha's devotion.

No doubt Radha's name preceeds Krishna's when they are remembered together. It is always Radha-Krishna, Radha-Madhava, for Radha is indeed the true yearning for Krishna that leads a devotee to him.

Radhe, Radhe,

References:

http://decodehindumythology.blogspot.in/2012/02/krishna-history-behind.html
http://www.indianweekender.co.nz/Pages/ArticleDetails/51/1421/Comment/How-science-discovered-the-historical-Krishna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dalNJ4luBws

Visionaries

Why is it that there are a few leaders who are able to galvanize and rally people for a greater cause, when many others who would have this moniker applied to them merely end up being pushy individuals that you would normally want to avoid.

The answer is in the simple word -- Vision.

Vision is a highly abused word, and it is thrown around in most humorous ways by people. The situation that I find most funny is when some clueless set of people sit around in board rooms to arrive some futuristic vision for an organization.  Each of the participant will typically say something heavy sounding about a future point in time, sometimes simply because they want to make their presence felt or because their boss is in the room as well. Sticky notes will be used in wild abandon, while boards messed up with an universe of unreadable doodles. Finally the fearless leader in the room shall stitch together a convoluted sentence using words from various sentence and voilà - A vision is ready. 

Something oozing with creative juices. Such as:

We are the best jacket makers, encouraging innovation and ensuring humane killing of animals whose hide we use, through six sigma quality processes , so that citizens of Timbaktoo feel impelled to buy these apprehending a global cooling at some distant time in future.

OR

We exist to leverage the synergies between the watch manufactures in North Antarctica and the igloo heating needs of Eskimos of the Arctic, while exhibiting our deeply felt social responsibility towards the bushmen of Kalahari by ensuring an constant supply of soda bottles to the inner reaches, through cost effective solar powered non polluting vehicles drawn by the penguins of Antarctica desirous to explore the new educational vistas that would be rendered open to them.

The reason that these Vision Statements don't work is because they mean nothing, paint no picture in front of our eyes. They are pasted in the walls of Corporates to be ignored until the next version of equally inane vision statements take their place to be ignore with equal gusto.

Recently I have been in a set of meetings that have been completely different. It started with a offsite at a nearby town for a couple of days and before long the entire group who were in the offsite were buzzing with excitement and activity.  It has been over a month since that and the excitement continues to grow and spread across to the entire org...

So what was different..

The difference was how our leader galvanized the whole team by painting a vision of future that we could connect to, at the very inception. Telling a story that was challenging but realistic. Something that would need an entire organization to rise together, move through a  trajectory to reach a promised future. A future that we could see and were excited about.  That was the secret sauce.

As I thought through this whole thing I released that this approach had worked for me in the past as well, Every time I was able to paint a vision of what the shape of future would be and provide a way to get there I was able to infuse energy into my team or my customers.  When people are excited by the vision of a future and see a way to get to it, they work like supermen to make that a reality.

No one perhaps realized this better than Lord Krishna. If you analyze Mahabharata purely from a management and leadership perspective it is clear that it is the victory of a Vision of righteousness painted by the Lord against a utter lack of that in the side of Kauravas. This vision made the Pandava army perform like super warrior and vanquish a much larger army of Kauravas. Lord Krishna no doubt was the biggest visionary that ever set foot of earth but then he is "Bhagavan Himself". Every step of his life as documented and known to us shows Vision and purpose to uplift and free mankind. 

Netaji Subhash Bose is another person in recent history who led with Vision and captured India and the world's imagination . Jamshedji Tata, Bill and Dave and many others have similarly been visionaries, the path set by whom still act as a inspiration to many.

So...  As a leader if you ever get to a situation where you see confused expression in the faces of your people, a reluctance to follow you, Ask yourselves the following questions..

• Do I know whether I want to lead my people?  Is it a destination that is worthy?
• Do they understand the vision? Does it paint a picture for them when the close their eyes?
• Can I show them a map of getting there that they would believe?
• Are they inspired at the thought of this journey

If the answer of even a single question is a NO, your vision is still not a mature one and home work is in order.  If all answers are YES but you still have confused looks it is likely that you would need to communicate better..

However, if you are lucky to reach a point where your team resonates with with picture you paint for them, give yourself a light pat on back, you could have well be on your way to becoming a visionary...

Is Spiritual Evolution the Key to our Survival?

Do we exist because the Universe exists or does it exist because we do? Before you deride the question for its overbearing pomposity, consider this age old question – If there were none one to comprehend this wondrous, complex and infinite universe, would it have mattered if it existed or not?

Science theorizes that there could be other universes where the “environmental conditions” (such as the mass of a Hydrogen atom or the measure of electron volt or some such other constant that leaps out at you whenever you open a physics book) are ever so slightly different. But even that slight difference makes life as we understand it impossible there. So the Galaxies, the nebulae, or whatever else one may find in those universes may spin, dance or fox-trot around till end of time without having truly existed, since no sentient eyes falls on them, no intelligent mind wonders at the creation.

Undervaluing our place in the Universe

So far as we can conclusively tell in this infinite universe, it is only our planet, that life and the capacity to look up at the night and wonder who stuck those millions of twinkling candles up in the sky, exists. The capacity to feel inspired by beauty exists, the capacity to hold another in an embrace of pure love exists, and the capacity to bow down head in reverence to the enormity of creation and its creator exists.

How lightly and with how much disdain then do we take our charge? Ceaseless fighting, Greed for material wealth and hurting the nature which gave us all have marked human kind since the time a misfit ape decided that it could look further if it stood on its hind legs.  And unless the little Gray or Green men show up in their saucers one fine morning, Folks, we are it. We are the finest creation of Universe as far as we know, since only we know it is there.

In my naivety I often asked some rather childish questions:

Should life not be spent in pursuit of knowledge? Would greed for knowledge not be more fulfilling than making money by Spot fixing. Should the aim of birth not be to seek a personal bond and intimacy with the creator? Would that not be a more worthy goal then trying make others follow some dogma that I call my religion and blowing them up when they brandish their own dogma. Most of all is it not our right to be at peace and leave others at peace as we try to establish our relationship with this universe?

For a long time I truly believed that all that was missing today was someone to point out to people engaged in warmongering, corruption, or religious intolerance, the wonder that is our Cosmos, the fragility of nature and the uniqueness of mother earth. All people needed to see was Carl Sagan’s touching piece on the  pale blue dot that our planet is or listen to the thought provoking Rabindra Sangeet – Tahare Aaarati Kore.  With proliferation of the Internet, youtube and inspiration seemed just a click away.

But that didn’t quite work out that way, did it? No Siree.

The Greedy Gene

Actually asking us humans to give up Greed is asking us to go against our basic instinct, the behavior encoded in our DNA. Evolution happened through eons of hoarding, consumption and gene propagation. After all, the theory of the survival of the fittest doesn’t have self denial, altruism or generosity as the highly sought after virtues.

Even today, in our basic nature, we are no different from the apes that we descended from. We are cruel, territorial, greedy, and xenophobic. We socialize, live in groups, love our young, and communicate.  We terrorize those weaker than us and run away from those that are stronger. We do everything that an ape with a bigger brain would do.

But exactly because of the fact we have a bigger brain, we can’t remain apes. If we do we shall finish ourselves and perhaps with us, the only planet where life exists. And that sure would be a shame.

That’s where a need for Spirituality and a Spiritual Evolution comes in. Not just as means establishing a connection with the divine, but also as a way of surviving as a species. As a mean of making sure this earth remains.

Spiritual Evolution as the way of Survival

Spirituality in my books is the ability to be more than what our DNA would allow us to be. It more than just praying to God seeking boons. That, btw, is nothing bad. Many up us do it. I too pray to my Lord Krishna constantly and I know He listens.

Spirituality is being able to establish a connection with the divine and thereby raise oneself to a higher plane of consciousness. Being able to break the shackles of the instincts encoded in our Gene. As a Hindu, Spirituality is the path that leads me to Moksha. Spirituality is not about denying anger, greed, or envy. We are humans and it is in our nature to feel these emotions time to time. However spirituality is about being able to keep a check on these and not let them dictate our actions. It is strengthening our spirit so that it can win the battle with the Gene. With that comes Spiritual Evolution, a subject that has been spoken about in great lengths by seers including Rishi Aurobindo.

The DNA cries – Hoard, the Spirit counters - Share, the world survives. The DNA cries – Compete, the Spirit counters – Collaborate, the world becomes a happier place. The DNA cries – My Way, the Spirit Counters, All paths lead to the same goal, Joto mat tato path, the world doesn’t descend to a fiery hell of people fighting to impose their dogma.

But the question of course is will we wake up? Will we feed our spirit to strengthen it? Important questions, since our existence as a species depends on it.  Even acknowledging these questions is a big step towards the Spiritual Evolution, for by that act we start thinking of the interests of entire humankind and not just ourselves.

The first step towards believing in – Loka Samatha SukhinoBhavantu.

A Collective Leap

Spiritual Evolution can’t be something that happens to a few individuals or even a group. It is something that has to happen to the whole species for it to make any sense. We have had Spiritual Giants like Ramakrishna, Chaitanya, Buddha and Vivekananda who have come unto us. We  For a while the lucky people in the proximity were raised up, but soon after they departed the world went back to its old ways. We need something a little longer lasting to fight our DNA until Spirituality becomes part of our DNA, like using tools have become.

What is that cosmic event that would nudge our species towards such an evolution? Will there even be one? Or will the Spiritual Evolution see us being replaced by a more advanced species?

I don’t think we know the answer yet, this is a play that still has to be played out.

For my part I repose my faith fully in Lord Krishna.

Krishna Listens..

Thank you Lord Krishna. I have always known that you listen to prayers. Time and again you have shown the even though you are the Master of all creation, you in your Divine grace allow yourself to be held in the heart of your devotees. You are all that is real, all that is constant, all that is worthy of being pursued in this human life. I bow down to you.

He Krishna
Kruna Sindhu
Dino Bandhu
Vishwa Pate
Gopesha Gopikakanta
Radhakanta
Namostote.

The Power of Teamwork

Lessons in life come to you from places you least expect.

On the first weekend of February this year, my son, Rudraditya participated in a Taekwondo tournament, his first ever, and got a silver medal. Taekwondo is a martial art originating in Korea. It combines combat techniques, self-defense, sport, exercise, and in some cases meditation and philosophy. Pretty excited about it, he was too.  Wouldn’t take the medal off the rest of the day and would show it to everyone that we came across. I was however a little less excited than would be expected. Aditya had done remarkably well in the more difficult wooden block breaking part of the tournament and will little or no practice managed even to break a wooden block with a kick. But when it came to the comparatively easier act of demonstrating taekwondo steps, he missed a few, which cost him the gold.

Finally against my better judgment I told him that he could have won gold if he had focused more. He and a friend of his who was also there at that instant cried out in near unison – But our teacher tells winning is not important participation is.  They then went back to playing, paying no heed to the speechless dad, with a gaping open mouth, staring in their wake.

I was truly rendered speechless. For I realized the enormity of the mistake that I was making – Not only had I come really close to depriving my son of the joy of the moment, but what was even worse, that I was projecting a rat mentality onto him that I always boasted of being free of.  Luckily he turned out to be way smarter than his old man. And there by hung a tale.

If I have learnt one thing over the years is that success in any endeavor comes not so much from patchy flashes of brilliance as it does to deep and sustained commitment from a team. Flashes of brilliance and inspiration have their place no doubt, for they act as flares that suddenly light up the path ahead and momentarily afford us a glimpse of what lies ahead. However to make progress in that path what is needed is a team that commits itself to the journey and bring their diverse skills together for a common cherished goal. Committed participation in my vocabulary is synonymous to teamwork and endeavors from the simplest to the greatest have succeeded primarily because of committed participation. And a true leader is one who understands the secret of making teamwork happen. The profile of a true leader is not one who looks to slave drive people but one who brings about self-realization to individuals in the team. Realization about their own uniqueness and talents. Realization about the importance of the work they do and that others in the team do. They push people, but not get people to stumble but to excel. Finally a true leader gets people to collaborate. They are often fun folks to be around.

However perhaps the biggest characteristic of a winning team, leader included, is a belief in the higher goal, being charged with a vision, a purpose. History stands witness how our freedom was won by sustained and committed participation of the common man who worked as a team for a good that was way greater than individual aspirations. Similarly the grandeur of the pyramids, the breathtaking beauty of the Khajuraho temples or mesmerizing charm of the Taj would have never come to being without teamwork.

Each of these wonders needed a long term vision on part of everyone who was involved, needed courage, a willingness to put in time, learn and finally contribute to the common cause. It needed hard work.

The lesson that I now think my little Aditya learnt that day, and taught me as a bonus, was the power of committed participation. On the larger scheme of things a Gold medal wouldn’t have made an iota of more difference. For what he had learnt that day was the joy of participation in a team sport, where no doubt individuals get applauded for doing well, but the overall team score depends on how everyone in the team performs. The short huddle that all the kids, between six and ten years, got to after the tournament, in their cute childlike way to scream in delight, show each other their medals and prizes and promises made to practice more for the next tournament has set the base for long term success.

For it is always Teamwork that succeeds…

Recently I wrote this for the monthly newsletter at work and thought it should show up in my blog as well...  :)

Satyameva Jayate

The climactic battle between Rama and Ravana in the epic Ramayana makes for an engaging read. The demon army of Ravana lay vanquished, his allies dead. But Ravana, the biggest and baddest gangsta of ‘em all keeps fighting with all his might. And what a fight he gives for he is well versed in the ways of warfare. The monkey army, even the mighty Hanuman accompanied by Laxman, Vivhishan (Ravana’s brother who switched sides and came over to the winning camp), watch in awe as Rama, having gotten better for Ravana, sends a well aimed arrow which severs his head. But the cries of victory are cut short for Ravana magically sprouts another head in place of the one cut off and fights on. This happens a number of times more until the novelty kind of wears off and Rama wonders how he would ever get rid of this goon who seems to have an unlimited supply of heads. Then Vivhishan whispers a secret to Rama – A pot of the nectar of immortality, Amrit, lies in the navel of Ravana which is the secret of his immortality. Rama then shoots at the navel with his deadly arrows. Lo and Behold, the demon king finally falls. Diwali signifies the return of the triumphant Rama to his home Ayodhya accompanied by Sita, Laxman and Hanuman.

 

I used to find this story fascinating as a kid, whenever my brother and I would get an elder to tell the story we would listen with rapt attention. The glow of victory that Rama, Laxman and Hanuman felt would rub off a little on us and make us feel like little victors ourselves who had defeated an evil king. This must have been one reason the epic was written on the first place, to identify with the forces of good that battle evil. But like most stories in the Epic, this episode has layers of symbolism and lessons which is fascinating to explore. And make no mistake this episode has lessons for us that we could really use just about now.

For are we not faced with Ravanas in current age and day? 

Yes we are. Today’s Ravana appear to us in many shapes and forms - Corrupt Governments, unethical businesses abusive husbands, children who don’t care for their aged parents, godmen in the unholy business of making a quick buck in the name of god, religious fanatics, dishonest officials and so many things else. I don’t know, guys, I sometimes get an overwhelming feeling that there are some posteriors out there that are in dire need of some foot contact. 

But is the solution taking the evil head-on and try the bang the living wits out of it? 

Those among us who are brave enough take up a battle against certain wrongs do so, such as Anna Hazare fights on against the Corruption in Government. However for every politician that people like him succeed in getting defeated, maybe another equally corrupt takes place exactly as every dishonest official who is removed could be replace by one who is a bigger rogue. Just as the never ending heads of Ravana. 

So could the way evil is vanquished lie hidden in the story that the epic tells? 

The most effective way to vanquish something is to remove the source of that thing’s sustenance. Denying water shall kill a sapling, denying a float will cause a piece of iron to sink. Naval represents symbolically sustenance, because of the umbilical cord that ends there when a child is in the womb. So what Vivishan’s advice implies is remove the power that sustains the many heads of Ravana and you get rid of ‘em all. Easy Peasy. 

The street side goon, the eve-teaser preys on the sheer cowardice of people on the street, the unwillingness to get into trouble. The corrupt politicians thrive on our identification with their community, caste or whatever other narrow prism we use; instead of judging them by what they stand for or have achieved. The corrupt officials in most cases is sustained by our greed or laziness or a desire to stay ahead whatever be the means. Once these vermin are created they establish themselves and prey on people’s helplessness. 

At the risk of making a motherhood statement, let me say that I believe that the only way to make these modern day Ravana’s go away would be to make it not worthwhile to be what they are. If a politican knows that if he is perceived corrupt, inapt or a rogue he has no chance of getting back to the seat of power regardless of whether he is a lingyat, muslim, dalit, upper caste or whatever else, we would have killed one Ravana. And if every Roadside Romeo had the threat of public thrashing followed by a stint in jail, we would have removed our fear that sustains them. Losing our superstitions would take steam out of many of the fake God-men who claim to be miracle workers. 

The change has to start with us. 

And that’s where we have to face our biggest Ravana. Facing our demons If I look inside, I see a scaring looking Ravana inside me as well. This Ravana is greedy and provides substance to all corrupt people who are in the society, this Ravana is a coward and provides sustenance to the all kinds of anti socials. Worst of all this bugger is lazy, smug, self satisfied, brimming with advice for things that he wants others to do while he continues in his own wallowing in darkness. He is the reason why the society as a whole gets flushed down the drain pipe. 

Killing that Ravana by denying the Greed, Anger, Desire, Laziness that feeds and sustains him be really the true Satyamava Jayate.

Wish my family and friends a happy new year and perpetual victory over all Evil.

Jai Shri Ram.

Missed Connection - Part III

Story So Far:
Missed Connection - Part I
Missed Connection - Part II

Have you ever been to a new place that seemed oddly familiar? An uncanny feeling that you had been there before but still couldn’t remember when.  My brain was still very wooly. The drug had clearly not worn off. But in the very dimly and flickeringly lit room, as I slowly cast my eyes around to acquit myself with my surroundings, as I saw every new thing, it seemed I have always known it would be there. It is difficult to explain, it is almost like a cloth being pulled over from a collection of your childhood toys. Until the cloth is removed you don’t know what is underneath, but as progressively the cloth is pulled back what is slowly revealed you know intimately.  

The statue of Buddha on the right side of the big hall, just by the side of the big wooden crucifix hanging on the wall, wasn’t it always so? The small wooden table where a few candles flickered disturbed by the draft as I entered, a blazing fireside on the other side with the seating area, the stairway on the far side from where I stood.  Why did this place look so familiar? Why?

As my eyes slowly got accustomed to the dark, my heart froze.

There were a number of people in the room.  Standing silently, without word, without movement.

The door behind me closed and I felt Alexendra go past me and melt into the crowd.  I couldn’t see any faces only dark outlines.

On some invisible command, they seemed to start moving toward me all at once. I estimated that there were perhaps twelve to fifteen people. Slowly, noiseless moving toward me.

 

A few hands reached out toward me as I broke into a cold sweat. It was perhaps the most terrifying moment of my adult life.

“Otto.”  A disembodied voice seemed to come out from the group. “You are here. Finally”. 

As the hands touched me I realized one of them was Alexendra’s.  She moved to my left side and put her hand around my waist. Another man took hold of my right elbow.  Slowly they propelled me towards the stairs.

“We knew you would return”. Suddenly they whole crowd noiselessly fell behind me as Alexndra and the man on my right slowly took me up the stairs.

I stammered, “Wha..What is the meaning of this?”.  

My voice sounded different. Deeper, gruff.   With sudden sense of shock, I realized that I had just responded back in German!   A language that I had never learnt.  

How?

The staircase felt familiar. As if climbing them was something I did everyday.  Even in darkness I could anticipate the spacing and when the flight ended.

On top of the stairs there was a small landing that led to a corridor that ran perpendicular to it. One both sides there appeared to be rooms, but only one of the doors was open and some light came out. I was taken toward that. 

The party including Alexendra stopped near the door and pushed me inside.

This room was better lit but still with candles. Thankfully there were many of them. Inside the room was a big bed. Again that strange feeling that I was in a place that was very familiar. Was I going mad? Was this some crazy dream?

I moved forward slowly toward the bed. In it lay a lady, at least mid-fifties, perhaps more. Clearly ill.

And then  I saw her face.  Beautiful, pale and tear streaked. I screamed in the same voice that was not mine. “Mein Gott! Helen!” 

I can never explain how or why. I just knew that I was looking at Helen Schnee.  Wife of SS-Obersturmbannführer  Otto Schnee.

No.  

There was Something more.  Something deeper.   

  

I was no longer the person who had entered the mansion.  I had turned into someone else....

I was Otto Schnee and woman that I beheld was my wife!!!

Even as I gazed at Helen, the thought that crowded my mind was of Alexandra. 

 

Alexandra - the love of our lives.  Our darling daughter.  

I was lost.  She had found me and brought me back home.

An involuntary gasp escape my lips as I feel violently shaken from behind...

Missed Connection Part II: Journey through the night

Continued from Part 1: Missed Connection

I have no recollection of how long the journey lasted; I kept switching between states of total unconsciousness and partial consciousness. There are two things that I recollect of the trip, the first was that outside the car a heavy storm raged as the car drove at a dangerous speed and the second, almost all through the trip Alexendra held my hand! It was not a tight grip to stop me from getting away; I was in not state for that anyway, on the contrary it was a gentle, warm, almost a reassuring grip. None of it made sense to my groggy mind. I kept wondering if I didn’t turn up at the check-in next noon, would the airline send someone to look for me? How would they know where I was? Would there anything left of me to find? And my family, what of my family? Would they ever come to know about me? Even in my stupor I got really mad at this girl sitting by my side for having tricked me to this. Control had still not returned and with all the will I could muster I pulled my hand away from her.

 

After what could be an eternity, the car finally stopped. By then I had started to gain some control. As the car door open I saw two men, with covered faces reached out to me. I instinctively pulled back. They however reached me inside the car and helped me out into the bitter cold into knee deep fresh snow. Alexendra came out behind me. Outside the two towering guys held me on both sides, I twisted my body feebly to indicate that I didn’t appreciate being held. If I were to die, by God, I was going to do it with dignity. Not like a trapped animal. “I am deeply sorry, Jim. But there was no other way…” I heard Alexendra whisper softly to my ears.

I perhaps had a thousand words that I could say to her right at that time, the choicest of Indian swear words of all the six languages that I know and then some in English but no word would come out my mouth. I simply glared at her in silent rage.

She just shook her head in apparent sadness, (the killer’s guilt, I thought) and reached out brush the snow that had by then fallen on my hair. She then said something to the two giants standing beside me, who started steering me to my right. For the first time I noticed that the car had stopped in front of a big mansion. It was enormous, dark and ominous looking. It has a massive doorway toward which we seemed to be headed.

In front of the door I hesitated, all my instincts telling me to get the hell out of there. Alexendra reached from behind and took my hand again. “Jim, I promise no harm shall come on to you.” I was getting tired of all this hand-holding and her lies. I shook her hand of and with difficulty I mumbled, “Go to hell.”

There was no way of backing out with those two goons behind me I thought. With the name of Almightly in my mind, I pushed open the door and crossed the threshold into the house.

Missed Connection - The Chronicle of A Strange Adventure ..

This narrative is set in the early 2000s. Before smartphones, wifi and affordable international roaming had become a norm

I noticed her the moment I entered the near empty hotel lounge bar. A white girl with shoulder length auburn hair, slight built and a very pleasant face. Even at the height of a bitter winter she was tastefully dressed. Knee high boots, dark blue jeans, a white turtle neck sweater under a leather jacket. In the seat next to her lay an overcoat, muffler, gloves and a cap, the standard ensemble of a wintery Europe. She was reading a book and looked up as I passed her by and made my way to a seat at the further side of the room and settled down. As I stole a look back to her, I saw her look back at me. My heart skipped a beat. Literally. Her face looked very familiar, someone I seemed to have known for years but couldn’t place. Where did I know her from? I did travel to Germany a few times in past; did I know her from work? Nothing clicked. She looked about 25-26 years old, a little younger than me. Even from the distance I saw her regard me with her hazel eyes with a mildly curious look. I did the most natural thing when an attractive lady stares at you; I nodded and gave her a smile. She smiled back in return. That smile was the start of an amazing journey that I find it hard to believe really happened even today.

I debated with myself for years on whether to write about this strange adventure. Would this open uncomfortable questions, disbelief, even a snide remark or two? In fact, till today, I am not sure I recollect exactly what had happened that night, and much less why. However when last winter I received a short email from a sender in Germany – She is no more. Thought you might wish to know – I made up my mind that I shall write down what I remembered of the Otto Schnee affair. The others involved in the story have read the manuscript and have given their agreement.

As a frequent traveler there is nothing that puts my rhythm out of gear like a missed connection. But when the flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, lifted off a couple of hours late that winter about eight years ago, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to make it to the connecting flight to Bangalore. The flight landed in FRA under near gale condition. By the time I got into the Terminal 1 building it was obvious that the gale was getting worse. As I entered the terminal through the aerobridge there was an airline staffer waiting outside with a sign with my name on it, he guided me to a counter. The flight to Bangalore had long left and there was no chance of getting into an alternative flight. To make the matter worse, the weather reports for the following day didn't look so good either. However they were ready to put me up in a hotel a little far from the airport in a locality named  Lambenburg or something similar. They also gave me some vouchers to buy food and drinks at the hotel, a calling card and a boarding pass for the next day.

Tired, crestfallen I made my way out of the immigration chaperoned by the same guy who had met me at the aerobridge to a waiting area. As I sat down in the cold steel bench, I was told a taxi will come by presently to take me to the hotel.   The wait turned out to be a longish one, no cars were available in this weather ... 

It was already around six when the taxi was found and it started out with only me as the passenger. The hotel turned out to be a small inn sort of place, quaint and pricy. Not the usual business hotel that I had expected. In any case the airline was paying. But why was I the only Bangalore bound passenger there, there must have been others who missed their connection? Perhaps the airline had put them in other hotels and I gave the matter no further thought. After checking in to my room and making a few calls I decided to go down to see if I could get something to eat. I was tired and famished. And as I entered the lounge bar I saw her.

The lounge was dimly lit and remarkably empty; I was there, the girl seated at a coffee table with its own reading light, a couple of Turkish-Arabic looking guys far away near a fireside, an elderly white man nursing a drink and an expressionless bartender. Trophies from game hunting hung around the room giving it a strange air. I have never subscribed to the notion of killing animals as a sport.

I found myself a seat, kept my things and walked over the counter to get myself a draft. While passing back I flashed a smile again at the girl and she smiled back wide. Slightly inviting without being crass. So I kind of tarried a bit around her table and made an opening remark about the beastly weather. She closed her book and in a very slightly German accented English said, “Terrible, isn’t it. Have you missed your connection?” She had a nice voice. I looked at her again, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had known her from somewhere but for the life of me couldn’t place.

“Yes, I missed my flight”, said I

“Me too. ”

“But I see you have Mr. Kant to keep you company”, I noticed Kant’s famous face on the cover of the book she was reading.

“Oh! You know about Immanuel Kant”, for the first time looking genuinely interested in making conversation. Well, that was my cue. I immediately took the seat across and assumed a very philosophical expression. “He is one of my favorites, I find his Critique of Pure Reason, perhaps one of the epochal philosophical works.” I lied effortlessly.

My father was a fan of Kant and had his books at home which is how I recognized Kant’s picture and my father would sometime discuss Kantian philosophies with his friends at home, overhear them I got some rudimentary understanding.

“Oh Yes! But there is so much more to Kant,” her eyes shone as spoke, “His invention of critical philosophy, notion of moral autonomy as central to humanity, his theories on God are equally amazing”.

I nodded sagely as she spoke nonstop for twenty minutes on intricacies of Kant’s philosophies as I struggled to keep up. Once in a while I would take a sip of the bitter brew in my hand, grimace and get back to the conversation. In between, I also learnt was that her name was Alexandra Schnee, like me she was also a Computer Engineer and had a deep interest in philosophy, both western and eastern.

Never before have I been so impressed, so quickly with any girl. And it was not simply because she was the first and thus far the only girl who could expound on philosophy and leave me speechless, nor was it because she spoke with so much passion and scholarship, and certainly not because of her striking good looks. It seemed to be a much deeper connection, it was almost as if I was speaking to someone who was a reflection of every good thought I ever had. Heaven help me, but the feeling I got while speaking to her was like the feeling I get when I and my younger brother have philosophical discussions, where we both know that every word, every thought we speak automatically resonates with the other and long explanations are never necessary, just the essence of the thought is enough.

“By the way, I am even more impressed with Swami Vivekanda of India. Do you know about him?” Well, I thought, that was a more familiar territory. However before I could start my speech on Swamiji and the finer points of Advaita and Vigyana philosophical viewpoints, she asked, “What are you drinking..” I pointed at the tap with a sad face. “Well, you obviously don’t like it. Wait I will fix you a drink.”

I quickly took the chance to go to the wash room to dab my face with water. All the Kant stuff had gotten me quite drowsy. When I came back to my seat, she already had two tall glass of fizzy red drink waiting.

“What is this?”

“Grandma’s secret cocktail,” she said with a slight smile, “You will like it”

It was heavenly, tasted a little like the famous Singapore Sling, and I took rather big gulps. A little strong too, I started to think as suddenly my head started to swim. “Alexandra..” I started as I felt myself slumping forward, grazing the side of the table and falling to the floor. My eyes were open, but limbs immobile and brain sluggish. In a daze I saw that the Turkish looking guys were coming toward where I lay … to help I thought, as did the elderly gentleman whose presence I had forgotten completely.

However instead of sprinkling my face with water, the two guys held me on two sides and pulled up to my feet. I sensed Alexandra quickly wrapping my jacket around me as the elderly man shouted something in German. The bartender quickly opened a door somewhere behind the counter and the two man half carried half dragged me out of the door down a flight of stairs. I wanted to scream in protest but no word would come out. I could sense the elderly man and Alexendra right behind us. Were these the kidney thieves that I always read about and never believed? Would I find myself in a bathtub somewhere with both kidneys gone… these were the thoughts that were swirling in my head when finally we reached outdoors and the cold hit my face full blast. I must have passed out for a few moments because when I came to, I was still being dragged across the snow to a waiting black van. I remember thinking at that time that – Driving in such a blizzard was a sure suicide…

I was deposited inside the van, shivering uncontrollably. Alexendra got up besides me and the elderly man took the wheels.

As the car started moving, I slumped back into my seat passed out completely ….