Changing Equations

"Are you sure you want to have that coffee? You will complain of acidity?" "Why don't you have a swig of water instead?" "Perhaps I should have gotten your sweater. You never know what is good for you." "Don't wander about." 

 No matter how old you get, the experience of travelling with your mom never changes. Some equations never change. Thankfully. Though you may sometime make sham assertions of your grownup-hood, there is an unconditionally and concreteness about Moms that is perhaps unique. Which, much to their chagrin, girlfriends and wives never understand until they attain their own motherhood. 

 However, if the recent headline-grabbing N-Deal is anything to go by, the equations of International relations do change and how. One can see a new polarization of the world forces, with India, US, and presumably Israel and NATO on one side. The "other side" perhaps would be a China led front comprising of Pakistan, Iran, N.Korea and others that the west brands as "rogue" states. Russia is perhaps the dark horse in this unfolding saga. The recent incursions in Georgia has raised the hackles of the West, but push comes to shove, one hopes that its long standing friendship with India and more importantly its instinct of self preservation against a common enemy will see it side with the right side. Coming back to the more important story, last week Mom and I were headed towards Chennai to see Mahabalipuram. It has been a long standing promise and finally I was able to take the time to keep it and I was so glad that I did. Of course providence helped in ensuring that it coincided with a business trip :) Mahabalipuram is about a couple of hours away from Chennai and is feast for the eyes. The five rathas, the temples carved out of stones, the sculpture on rock faces and the sea shore temple are sheer poetry and speak volumes of the artistic temperament of the Pallavas.

 

While Mom and I were getting enchanted by the magic of Mahabalipuram, China was surreptitiously planning to play the spoilsport. Had they succeeded it would have perhaps been a perfect replay of the "Hindi-Chini Bhai Bhai" story. However this time they had perhaps not anticipated the strong support from Bush administration. One phone call and the Chinese resistance crumbled and along with that crumbled the illusion that they really wanted to be friends after all. One hope India's stand on Tibet now becomes more pragmatic. Tibetans are our people and His Holiness as much an inspiration for Indians as the Tibetans. Mom and I visited the croc park in Chennai's outskirts. It is difficult to describe the feeling of fascination laced with revulsion that proximity to these creatures bring. While one appreciates the conservation efforts but still one hopes that one never has to see one of these reptiles outside its enclosure. Mom was fascinated to see a turtle which rode on the back of a gharial with superb elan and grace.

The NSG waviver has been a major diplomatic win for India and the US. The hurdles at some point did seem insurmountable, however some deft maneuvering by both the Governments saw that that the Kung-fu opposition bit dust. My own work, thankfully, was equally successful and I came back with fond memories. The only fly in the ointment was an uncouth auto-driver, who thought shouting in Tamil would scare "outsiders". However, I hope that an encounter with a Bengal Tiger has left him wiser. India and US, I feel are natural allies. I hope this equation does stands the test of time. For me what is more important is that I could finally keep a promise that I made a long time ago.

The Classification of Communists


Introduction

Of the many sub-human species that inhabit God’s Earth, one of the more curious group is a bunch that calls themselves Communists. This group lives in a state of contradictions and continuous confusion characterized by turns, about-turns, somersaults and somnambulism. Observations have thrown up the probability that they may have developed some primitive form of communication which is called sloganeering that complements their rather destructive and disruptive social tendencies that social scientists call strikes and bandhs.

Their existence on God’s Earth has been termed a paradox, because their primitive philosophy has not yet evolved enough to understand the concept of God. So why they should exist on God’s earth has long been a mystery. Experts however contend that this paradox is a key part of their desire of providing hilarity by being absurd. A vocal minority among experts think that only reason Communists exists is to be a Joke and provide mirth to the rest of mankind.

They have shown a remarkable affinity to the Red colour coupled with an aversion for the Saffron colour. It has been posited that the Red colour represents their moral bankruptcy, which is perpetually in Red. Saffron is the universal representation of The Divine, which as indicated earlier is a concept they haven’t understood yet and hence fear.

Some people have also classified Communism as a genetic disorder as well as a potentially communicable disease which primarily affects people who haven’t had a good education.

Types and Classifications

Communists have shown a decided tendency to mutate with or without pretext. Some of the commonly occurring garden variety of mutant communists:

Marxists: These mutants are much influenced by the philosophy that is depicted in the films of Grouch Marx. Their main ambition is to be more absurd than all other versions of Communists put together. They are the biggest mutant group and their guiding principle is the following – Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others. Since no one knows what principles are being referred to on the first place, no one has bothered to ask for the others. Their destructive approach to life maybe understood better in light of this unanswered question that they ask of themselves every morning in absence of a God to pray to - Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Maoists: These mutants are worshipers of cats and take their name from the call of the cats, Meow or Miao. Since they are usually not very educated they spelt the Miao as Mao and the name stuck. Worship of cats has a long history starting with the Ancient Egyptians. However, the difference in the two form of worship is that while the Egyptians built temples for their feline gods, Maoists consider Cats to be poultry and were last heard of waiting for their graceful gods to lay eggs.

Naxals: This is a particularly ill mannered mutant variety that lives in the wild. No one knows for sure where their name came from. Some theorists have put forth the theory that it stems from the fact that all of them are pains in neck, so they call themselves Naxals. This theory has however not been conclusively proven yet, as this bunch have been know to cause pain in other parts as well. They are perhaps the most primitive strain of Communists known to exists and are perhaps a result of a reverse mutation that has taken them further back.

Where to Find ‘em?

It is easy to locate communists, particularly in Indian subcontinent. In any politically charged discussion if you hear incoherence being spoken in a pseudo-intellectual fashion that is against development, efficiency and fish export, quietly stalk in the direction of the sound and presently you shall encounter one specimen of this rather unfortunate species. Of course, if you value your sanity you shall tip-toe away in the opposite direction.

Lately it has been noticed that communists share a queer relation with an unrelated branch of sub-humans called the Kingress or Congless. (who draw their inspiration from the legends of the Borg, and hope that one day they will all be mindless drones under the command of a Borg-Queen). Though both these two species hate each other and shall never miss an opportunity to snipe and snip at each other, their common fear of the Saffron sometimes makes them graze together. A similar behavior is also seen in Wildebeests and Zebras in Serengeti in African plains, particularly when Lions are around. However the wildlife in Africa such as Zebra, Giraffe and Wildebeests are at a much different stage of evolution, so the comparison may be termed unjust.

What to do if you contract Communism or are born with this Malady

First the good news: Communism is fully curable. Second, the even better news: The side of the cure is that an ex-communist, with practice and patience may even evolve to become a Human.

The only path of redemption is for a repentant Communist to take refuge in Lord Hanuman and adopt the ways of the Saffron. Reciting Hanuman Chalisa everyday, dedicating oneself to the cause of serving Lord Rama as a Kar Sevak, and spreading the message of Ramayana to other unfortunate Communists has been proven as the most effective means to gain respite from effects of Communism.

So, if you are a communist who seeks freedom, all you have to do is go to the nearest Hanuman Temple and seek his blessings and grace. Rest shall follow automatically.

Jai Bajrang Bali.

Bharata Bhagya Bidhata

Julius Cesear was offered the kingly crown of Rome thrice and each of the three times he refused. Julius Cesear was a valiant and a fortunate (ro)man. Two thousand years later one of his decendents, Sonius, winged her way across seven seas to repeat the history by refusing the crown of the largest democracy the world has ever seen. An act of courage dripping with a sugary syrup of selflessness that has the whole world floored particularly those in the western hemisphere and those in the immediate vicinity of Race Course Road in the ancient city of Delhi. This act has catapulted Sonius Cesearina closer to sainthood than what even Mother Teresa have been able to get to so far.

The irony couldn't have been more poignant. In 1947 a proud nation had gained independence from foreign rulers and were all starry eyed about their tryst with destiny. Crowds on the streets..much merry making.

Cut over to the present: Crowds are still there on the streets..shouting and jumping. Pleading with a person of european descent who is undoubtedly a capable leader (as were Robert Clive and Warren Hastings) to lead the country again.

Manmohan Singh may be the PM but there is no doubt on anybody's mind about who the real "bhyagya-bidhata" (the one who determines the destiny) of our country.

India and the Congress have truely turned a full circle.

They may even make a movie out of all this - Safedi se Safedi Tak. And in true Bollywood style they may even want to rename Congress - Gori aur Gaye (the cattle and the white woman).

Do I sound too bitter? No way, actually I have a sugary syrupy warmth in my heart and a song in my lips that goes as follows:

Aie mere watan ke logo
Jara Aankh mein bhar lo pani
Jo Sahid hue hain unke
Jara Yaad Karo Kurbani